Ups & Downs

Ugh. My day has kind of crashed to a close... One of the good parts of the day is when I was requested to write a letter of recommendation for my old boss. I was happy to do it. And the secretary I had read over it said my letter was very good. All I really wrote about was how my professor was my boss and teacher as well as my friend. And how we learn the most from our friends, not necessarily teachers who are only there to teach.

And then I came to the realization that I don't like my new boss. He's not a friend at all. He's a boss. He's not someone who's going to encourage you. He just wants results. And I can't stand it. And I don't think he can stand me either. I believe he's trying to sabotage my extracurricular activities. I don't think he believes in having time outside of the lab. And top that all off with being sexist. Since I have two x chromosomes, I get to clean up after everyone else. I'm sorry, but I fully believe in the unwritten rule of clean up after yourself.

It's a love/hate relationship. I love who I work with. I enjoy what I'm doing for the most part. I just don't enjoy my boss. Maybe we just have different values and can't see eye to eye with each other. I know I'm the type of person who needs gratification every once in a while. A simple "good job" would do (instead of the "you messed this up" that I get every once in a while). And he seems to be the kind of person who is a professor/boss and nothing more.

Ugh... I'm frustrated. And it's days like these that make me want to shoot the school down.

Wake Up!

Last night was not a good night at all... First off, I woke up sick and was pretty much sick for an hour. Then I went back to bed. The next thing I know, an alarm's going off. Me in my sleepy mode can't quite figure out what alarm is going off. It's an unfamiliar alarm. And of course, my mind immediately thinks of the carbon monoxide alarm. By that time, I'm a half-asleep, freaking-out crazy woman running mad. I ended up cracking the balcony door to make sure I wasn't going to be poisoned. And by this time, Gizmo's wondering what on earth I'm doing and why I'm letting the freezing cold air in. I finally decide to walk into the living room area to figure out what noise is going off (or to run outside like a mad woman under carbon monoxide poisoning -- who knows?). Come to find out, it's the stupid weather clock's alarm going off. How it ended up turning on, I have no idea... So, back to bed I went. And yes, I remembered to close my balcony door.

On a better note, I did have an awesome dream. It gave me a wonderful feeling. It was kind of like one of those movies where you have no idea what's going on until everything ties in together at the very end. But it was good. I just have not the slightest idea what it was about now...

Two Weeks

So, it has been two weeks since we moved in. And I'm still unpacking stuff. Kind of pathetic. But considering this is actually the first day I've almost had off in a long time, I finally have time to unpack.

My day's been relaxing and kind of boring. And I loved it. I definitely couldn't do it every day, but I like the offset of working 24/7. And I did get out of the house and go to work for an hour. It was nice that I spent the majority of the day inside my house. And I took Gizmo on a long walk after bathing him and brushing his teeth (not an easy feat). So, Gizmo loves me today.

I've unpacked quite a lot. I unpacked most of my picture frames. We bought some sticking tape stuff that doesn't leave holes or residue to hang stuff up in the house. And after messing some frames up a few times, I found out that the sticking tape really does work when taking it off of stuff. Some of my frames have the hanger right in the middle, so I kind of hoped if I put the tape to the side of the middle, it would be able to hold off the gravitational force as well as the momentum force that the tape to the side would cause. Boy was I wrong. One of the frames broke. And after a few hours of trying to super glue it back together, I got the awesome idea of using the tape to hold it together. My frame is all better and now stuck to the wall... I also bought some putty stuff that goes well with attaching paper/posters to the walls. Apparently, a small mirror is too heavy for the putty as I found out the hard way. But not everything has gone against me today. While accomplishing almost nothing, at least I unpacked a little...

Oh, and did I mention I found one of Gizmo's toys? I found his squeeky bear. He spent the next hour running around like a maniac squeeking the brains out of his bear. He was so excited.

Genetic Predispositions

So, my brother has been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. I guess it kind of makes sense what with depression running in our family. But it's just kind of freaky knowing depression runs in my family. When is the line ever drawn when we ask who's to blame: genetics or environment?

Just because you're predisposed doesn't mean you have it or are going to get it. And it doesn't give you something to blame your actions upon. And you can go the other way too. An environment full of sex, drugs, and alcohol. You're predisposed to it. But you still can't blame your actions on your parents. It gives a lot of insight as to how you think, but you still made a choice.

I guess I'm getting at the fact that we really can't blame our actions on our genetics or our upbringing. We still have a choice. And being genetically predisposed to a disease does not mean you're going to be put on medication to treat it right from the get-go. You should recognize the predisposition and be wary of the signs. And know when you need to get help.

I was depressed as a teenager. And I got help. And I know there are many people out there who believe mental diseases are a crock, but they're full of crap. Understanding that being sad is a normal part of life is a good thing. But when you are sad, abusing yourself mentally, and considering suicide; that's a lot more than the routine sad. Sad is not bad when you have the happy emotions coming afterwards. But sad 24/7, you need help.

I guess I'm angry with some people. And instead of defending myself, I'm ranting on here. Don't tell me depression doesn't exist. Don't tell me people who need help don't need help from doctors or drugs. Don't tell me you can solve all of my problems just by telling me depression doesn't exist and I don't have it. Being sad all of the time and hating yourself to the point of destroying yourself is definitely not normal.

Maybe my rant's done now. I just wish the people who should see and know this would see and maybe understand a little...

Health Reform

So, I know the healthcare debate is a major issue today.  And there are a lot of people against it saying they're responsible to pay for their own healthcare, why should there be a government healthcare plan?  Well, I can tell you, I'm for government health care.  It'd be nice to see a health plan out there that isn't for-profit and is affordable.  Maybe the one in debate today at the capitol doesn't fit those terms exactly, but it's one step towards it.

An alternative to government healthcare would be to enforce employers to offer healthcare benefits to both full-time and part-time employees.  An emergency plan is not the same as a healthcare plan.  And I know most retail employers hire employees as part-time, so they don't qualify for full-time benefits.  And then they have the employees work full-time three of the four weeks a month, just so they don't have to bump the employees up to full-time status.  And its just ridiculous that employers are that greedy and unwilling to support their employees' health.

Here's my own personal situation.  Utah State University does not offer its part-time employees healthcare.  It does offer students health care plans.  The health care plan costs more than buying private insurance, it's a 70/30 plan, and you still have to call the plan before they'll okay you going to the emergency room or doctor's office (outside of the health and wellness center).  Now, what about Jared's employer?  K-Mart.  I refuse to spend $3000 a year on an emergency plan that'll only cover up to $2000 of your expenses (unless you end up in the emergency room, have a baby, and go to the doctor's office repeatedly -- in which case they'll pay $5000 while you pay $20000).  So, what other options are available?  We had to go through private insurers, and let me tell you, they're expensive (I dare you to go to e-insurance.com and just look up health plan costs).  A fifth of our salary goes towards our healthcare premiums.  And if something were to happen to us and cause us to end up in the hospital, a third to half of our salary would go towards paying the hospital bills even though we have health insurance.  It's ridiculous...  But I'm going to do what it takes to keep myself and my husband insured.

Health insurance was actually the number one thing that kept us from getting married earlier.  I had a plan under my mom.  Jared just went without insurance for a couple of years.  When my mom's employer cut their health benefits down, I decided her insurance wasn't going to benefit me anymore.  They stopped covering birth control stating that was an unneeded expense (I'd take the $600-$1000 a year over $13000-$20000 for a live birth any day).  Health care plans are just ridiculously and outrageously expensive right now.  And I think one of the major problems is the fact that health insurance is for-profit.  We're going to make a profit over someone else's suffering?  Ridiculous...

Stir Crazy

So, Gizmo's going a little stir crazy as of late.  And I have no idea why.  Well, I'm pretty sure the fact that I'm at work/school for 8 to 10 hours everyday isn't helping...

1.  He has now decided that pooing in the kennel is his norm.  Now, I know he has anxiety issues when being left alone, but he knows pooing in the kennel is not the answer.  It's only going to piss me off.  So, he should probably fix that problem soon...

2.  He follows me like a lost puppy every time I get up and move.  And every time I am standing, he paws at my leg to try to get me to hold him.  And when this is done every ten seconds, it just pisses me off even more.  And then he gets yelled at.  Clearly, he is having some attachment issues with me.  And because of my long work days, he probably feels abandoned by me.

3.  While going outside to go potty, he happened upon some gum that I didn't see him take.  I'm sure he loves the neighbor kids who believe the stairwell is their garbage can for their unwanted food.  A half hour later, I'm doing homework while Gizmo's on his bed making some kind of noise.  At first, I thought he was grooming himself (much like what a cat does) because I heard licking.  And then I looked and realized he was making some kind of chewing/chomping noise.  Yes, he was chewing on gum.  Kind of horrified, I tore it out of his mouth, and he got punished for bringing in gum.

4.  Gizmo has decided he wants popcorn while watching the movie.  As soon as he sees Jared grab some popcorn, Gizmo goes for Jared's hand.  This is out of his norm because Gizmo is usually a well-behaved dog. He'll sit right next to you and beg (because he knows it's effective).  He won't go for what's in your hand (because he knows he'll get punished and not get any food).  Anyways, Gizmo was pushed aside and told no.  So, what does Gizmo do?  He sees Jared about to eat the popcorn.  And I guess Jared's not very effective at putting the whole popcorn piece in his mouth.  Because Gizmo ran up to Jared's face and grabbed the piece of popcorn out of his mouth.

Yeah, I think Gizmo's having some major issues as of late.  And the fact that I can't find his toys because they're packed somewhere in one of the boxes we haven't unpacked yet, he's had to make use with what's available to him.

I may just have to kill my dog...  (Sarcasm at its best just in case it doesn't pass through the computer.)

Arizona

Did I mention I'm going to Arizona next week?  The Society of Women Engineers region conference is next week in Phoenix.  And here's the best part (not).  We're driving down....  14 hour drive here I come.  There'll be three of us girls driving down.  So, this'll be interesting.

Jared's going down to Vegas this weekend for a small bowling tournament.  So, I'll be home by myself.  Not that I get to miss him or actually try to enjoy my alone time.  I got work to keep me company.  It'll never leave me alone anyways...

Did I mention that I'm planning on continuing my leadership in SWE?  This year, I am the Region Collegiate Communications Editor.  And it's had a lot of perks.  I got to meet amazing people, and I had the opportunity to travel.  It was a lot of fun.  Plus, potential employers have heard my name, and that's always a plus.  Anyways, I'm running for the Region Collegiate Senator for next year.  My friend's doing it right now.  And from what I've seen, it looks like something I'd enjoy.  So, here's hoping to the elections swaying to my benefit...

Deep in Thought

I know, second post of the night.  Maye it'll make up for all of the days I don't post.

I've just been deep in thought.  I've visited my teenage life twice in one day.  It's a difficult feat.

Anyways, my brother tried to commit suicide the other day.  He took 90 pills of neurontin.  Long story short, my mom was in the ER over night with my brother.  And the social worker said that this probably wasn't going to be the last attempt.  And my mom asked me what made me stop cutting.  It was hard to talk about it.  It was hard to think about.  That's a part of my life I don't care to see again.

It was love that stopped me.  My love for Jared.  His love for me.  The love from my family.  The belief that there was more love in this world than hate.

And really, I don't know how to help my brother.  There's really nothing anyone can do.  It's his decision on whether or not love exists and that there are people worth living for.

I try to act like it doesn't affect me.  Jared's pretty much only known my brother as a screw up since he never knew him before he got into drugs.  But I'm affected.  I'm worried about my brother.

I love him.  And as much as I think that with the way he's going in life, he's better off in prison or dead, I regret it. That kind of thinking would require giving up hope.  Hope that I still hang on to.

I want my brother to survive.  To overcome his struggles.  To realize he can be successful.  Most of all, I want my brother to see and feel love.

It's hard to describe something that isn't ever seen but is rather felt.  Who knows, people could be feeling something different than what I feel is love.  I just want my brother to see it.

I can't lose hope.  My brother.  Matthew.  I'm praying and constantly thinking about you.  I love you.

A Decade

So, I've noticed some other people post about their lives over the last decade for their new year blurb.  And I decided I wanted to post one even though I'm very-much fahionably late...

2000 (6th/7th Grade)

At this point in life, I think Jared's a four-eyed geek.  And of course, I'm the psycho new girl as everyone from Majestic Elementary saw me (even this far into the school year).  Can you believe I have known Jared since 1999?  Weird.  During recess, I would lay in the snow (don't ask me why).  The recess lady was convinced that I was sick or something and would constantly send me to the sick room.

And then 7th grade came, West Jordan Middle School.  Jared gave me a black eye while playing soccer.  I believe after reading class, we would race up the stairs to our next class, and he happened to trip me which caused me to flip up the stairs.  Yeah, we were brutal.  Oh, and Jared made fun of me when someone punched me in the eye at the Halloween dance.  Below is my 6th grade picture...

2001 (7th/8th Grade)

I cut my hair this year.  I really don't remember much from middle school.  I turned 13.  I believe this is the year I began smoking pot, but who knows.  I bury my past sometimes.  One thing I can say is West Jordan Middle School was a horrible school.  I was molested in the hallways almost every single day.  I think the worst was when a boy shoved his hand down my pants (the back side), but I do believe I threw my fist into his crotch.

I know by this time, I became friends with a girl.  She and I would play the piano every morning before class. I had a Fur Elise duet that we would play.  We got very good at it.  Oh, and it was at this time that I had a crush on Jared's good friend, Travis.  I would have a crush on him for probably the next 2 years.

2002 (8th/9th Grade)

Not too much excitement these years.  At 14, I began drinking.  And just so everyone knows, I was not and still am not someone who drank every day.  I would hang out with friends and drink maybe once every month or two.  Around this time, I was put on anti-depressants and saw psychologists.  I had a hard time with my body image.  A guy would call me "Finger Lady" every time he saw me; funny how this guy was one of Jared's good friends (more later maybe).  I began hating myself so much.  I believed the teasing.  I believed my hands made me handicapped.  I began cutting and ripping at my hands and arms.  Even throughout all of this, I managed to stay on the Honor Society in school.  I was also an active member in MESA and the Jordan Youth Symphony.  I became the 9th grade representative also.  I was a member of the orchestra; I played the viola and violin.

2003 (9th/10th Grade)

The last part of middle school...  I was elected to play in the Honors Orchestra where select few from the district play music.  My music teacher gave me the highest violin position assignment she had.  Out of the district, I was 3rd chair 1st violins.  Now, that is an amazing accomplishment.  But me being me back then, it never stopped me from hating myself.  Also, my math teacher elected me as the Most Outstanding MESA student.  This accomplishment sent me on an all-expenses-paid trip to Boise State University for an engineering camp.  My first introductions to engineering...

Transitioning to high school...  Ugh.  I hate thinking about West Jordan High School.  It was a horrible school with a lot of horrible people in it.  I had to keep one of my friends from beating someone up after he called me something because of my hands.  If I had stayed at West Jordan, I don't think I would have graduated or worse, not survived.  And yes, I can call myself a huge drama queen back then because I was full of emotions I couldn't handle.  A lot of pain and hate.  Oh, and I happened to have my friend pierce my belly button.  Let me tell you, very painful and very much not recommended.  I have a nice scar from it because the hole would never heal right.

Enough with the bad and onto the good...  I was 2nd chair 2nd violins in the Jordan Symphony Orchestra (another district orchestra).  That's really good considering they never put 10th graders in the 1st violins section.  Oh, and I do believe I asked Jared to the Sadie's dance.  Our first date.  Truly, it wouldn't have happened if Travis hadn't already been asked...  A picture of me from 9th grade spring time and our Sadie's date.

2004 (10th/11th Grade)

This year, I played lacrosse.  Lots of fun.  However, I couldn't continue it after going to Itineris.

I spent the whole summer in Georgia with my step-mom and dad.  I believe this summer is a time where I bonded a lot with my step-mom. It was also this year that I decided I wanted nothing to do with Utah.  I planned on moving out of the state as soon as I could.  Should probably mention more of my mindset at this point in my life:  I was not going to have kids ever, and I did not need some guy to make me happy.  When I came back, Jared and I began dating more regularly.

11th grade came.  Itineris was honestly the best thing that could ever happen to me.  Going to high school on a college campus earning your high school degree along with your associate's degree.  Best thing ever.  I met some of the best friends I could ever have.  Oh, Jared and I also became official on September 2 of this year. I also began working at Target.  Oh, and about that friend of Jared's...  We ended up seeing him at a football game, and he couldn't say any of his usual remarks to me.  I think it was one of the most civilized conversations I ever had with him even though it only consisted of hello's.

And I know this part is very much horrible, but it's still what occurred during these years.  I began smoking irregularly and the pot and drinking still continued.  Pictures below (this is one of the years I wouldn't let people take pictures of me).

2005 (11th/12th Grade)

Let's see.  This would be one of the hardest years of my life.  Due to religious politics, I was requested to break up with Jared.  Of which, I did at the beginning of the year; however, I never stopped thinking of him.  And all of this ended up causing way too much drama.  I hit a very big low in life.  I was showing up to school every single day high.  This is also the time that I decided to try meth.  And then something happened.  Horrible yes.  But it woke me up.  And I wanted nothing to do with that part of my life anymore.  But without the drugs, I was back to feeling.  My cuts were worse and worse.  I dug into my hand with only my nail because I wanted to get rid of my hands.  Even though it was only my nail digging, it was the deepest cut I would ever give myself.

I saw a counselor who basically told me to grow up and get a life.  He pointed out how I would sit on my hands all of the time.  I guess I did that without ever realizing.  He also told me that people are only curious.  Not everyone thought I was ugly because of my hands (in fact, only a select few idiots felt that way).

So, I decided I was getting out of this black hole.  It was never easy.  But Jared was there for me.  But since we're still in high school, you have to add the high school drama.  I received a death threat from someone at West Jordan.  But like I cared.

Even though I was leaving my dark past.  The consequences of every action comes back.  My mom just happened to be a few months behind on the times of my life.  While I was getting out of the drugs, she thought I was in them and much more than that.  Let's just say crazy teenager plus pregnant-and-freaking-out mom is not a good reaction.  She kicked me out of the house and later reported me as a runaway.  This sent me to child services, and since they wanted all amends to occur in 24 hours (which wasn't going to happen), I was sent to live with my Dad.  Now, didn't I say Itineris was the best thing ever?  And going from a college education to an education that is ranked 50 out of 51 in the nation?  Bad...

But living with my dad during my senior year in high school was good.  It helped me get away from the bad parts of West Jordan.  My dad and I also got a second chance to reconnect.  Our relationship had a lot of healing to do.  He showed me pictures I drew for him as a toddler and letters from when I was in school asking why he wouldn't come home to me and if he really loved me.  I also got to play softball with my church league.  As much as school was the dullest part of my life ever, the outside of school life was probably one of the best I could ever ask for.  I reconnected with my family and with God.

And Jared and I worked on a long-distance relationship.  He still managed to send me roses...

2006 (12th Grade/Freshman College)

I came back to Itineris to finish my high school diploma.  Itineris was good for me, but it was not good to my gpa.  However, I like bragging about how my gpa in college is higher than my gpa in high school.  My mom and I worked on our issues.  I worked full time at McDonald's while going to school.  I was saving up to go to Utah State.  Two days after graduation, Jared and I moved up to Logan.

In Logan, I worked full time at Wal-Mart.  This is a very different atmosphere from Target.  Everyone's pissed off at Wal-Mart and yelling at you.  And then college started.  I had a Presidential Scholarship thanks to my awesome ACT scores.  Also, Jared proposed to me this year.  And after checking our finances, the wedding would be postponed for three years...

This would also be the year that my friend from middle school (who played the piano with me) would commit suicide.  Very tragic.  But it made me think about how much life was worth living for.  After getting over the dramas of high school and teenagerism, there really is an awesome life out there.  And I was going to live it.

2007 (Freshman/Sophomore College)

I was majoring in biological engineering.  And my real engineering classes began this year.    I also worked at Subway this year and then Kohl's.  School was worth the cost of living poor.  I really don't remember much other than work, school, and sleep...

And then October came.  My grandma had been in and out of the hospital since probably August.  We knew her time was coming.  She left this world on the 17th to enjoy the experiences of Heaven and seeing our Maker.  It was a very hard time for me.  I stood still in a world that couldn't stop moving.  I remember trying to tell my teachers that I was having a rough time.  I couldn't say my grandma was dead.  One of my teachers had to deal with me crying in his office.  All he could do was hand me a tissue and wait for the words to come out (it took me a week before I could say it without crying).

2008 (Sophomore/Junior College)

Let me tell you, getting all of the stupid science pre-requisites out of the way was a pain in the neck.  But I finished them.  And I was on my way to my degree.  But still, I'm so busy with my life in college, I don't remember much.  I began working for a professor at the university.  A much better job than fast food or retail.  Also, this year I got a very prestigious scholarship from the university and decided I was going to make full use of it by taking 17 credits my junior fall semester.  Human Physiology, microbiology, and a lot of engineering and hard classes...  I really don't remember much.

2009 (Junior/Senior College)

By this time, I'm thinking, only one more year.  And then I'm done with Logan.  But Jared made a deal with me, he'd marry me before we finished school if I'd continue on with my master's degree.  Without a second thought, I agreed.

The summer came.  We moved into a house.  I had an internship with the university.  My mom gave me Gizmo.  Gizmo was pretty much an untrained two year old dog.  Potty training him was hell.  But we survived.  And then his leg was removed.  Taking him home from the vet on that day was one of the worst days ever.  He was still under the effects of the anesthetic, and I couldn't soothe him at all.  He was in pain and delirious.  He cried out constantly.  But he learned to deal with his non-existent leg.  I think he preferred over the bulky cast.  We signed up for dog training classes.  And what do you know, I have one of the most well-behaved dogs ever.  He's very much attached to me.

And then Jared and I got married.  Honestly, the honeymoon was one of the funnest things I've ever done.  We took a big road trip.  We started in Salt Lake the evening of our marriage day.  And then we went to Craters of the Moon in Idaho.  And trust me, it's out in the middle of nowhere.  Then we stayed in Idaho Falls.  And then we went to Jackson Hole.  Lots of fun.

And school started.  Senior design and biochemical engineering took up a lot of my time.  And since I was a concurrent master's student, I began working on my graduate research in a lab.  Let me tell you, a very stressful and big transition for me...  But it worked out.

2010 (Senior/Graduate College)

And now for the new year...  I am working on paying off my credit card debt before graduating college.  It's nice to actually make money that can be used on daily expenses and then some.  It just stinks that the then some is for the credit cards.  But it was a necessary debt because I needed to pay for groceries somehow the years before.  I am hoping to raise my gpa some more (not that it's bad or anything).  I just look forward to being happy.  Happy with school.  Happy with work.  Happy with Gizmo.  And happy with the best man in my life:  Jared.

And for the years to come....

2011 - Graduate and move out of state where the jobs are.

2012 - Buy a house and finish paying off student loans.

2013 - Who knows?  Baby...

Gizmo

Milestone of our move:  Gizmo is now beginning to call our apartment home now.  The first few days, we couldn't get him to go potty outside.  It wasn't his territory nor his comfort zone.  Also, I've taught him to not go potty when he's on his leash.  A leash means he's going on a walk not going to the bathroom.  And since we're in an apartment complex, they want dogs on leashes at all times.  But I've kind of let that slide with Gizmo since he is trained very well and doesn't run off.  But, after three days, he is now beginning to go potty outside regularly.  And let me tell you, that is so much better than seeing him hold it in and having to sit outside for 30 minutes trying to coax him into going potty (it's below zero at night and above 75% humidity here).  So, happy note for me...

Oh, and we finally have internet...

Busy Bee

Life has been crazy.  I have no internet at home.  We're supposed to get internet installed (or whatever) tomorrow.  So, hopefully things will be better then.  But it's not like I'll ever be home anyways...  I have absolutely no time to unpack and organize my home.  And since we went from a huge house to a small apartment, there's a lot of organizing that needs to be done.  All I want to do if I ever have a break is rest.  School, work, unpack, ugh...  Oh, and I think we're all still healing from the move over the weekend.  Since we didn't have a Uhaul, it took us a very long time using two trucks and an SUV-type car.  And trust me, moving stuff up three flights of stairs is annoying and tedious.  And I didn't even move the big stuff...  Well, hopefully, life will be a little more bearable after this week.  I just have to survive the first week of school.  Hopefully things will get easier.

Perhaps

Mornings are the worst for me while having this wretched cold.  But I woke up this morning.  I lay there just waiting for my head to hurt.  It took me a few minutes to realize I was breathing through my nose.  And then I got up with hope because maybe I was past the worst of my cold.  Perhaps...

And then the head ache came.  But the good news is I can still breathe through my nose.  It hasn't gotten all stuffy.  And I'm not even on any medications.  Yay...  I think I may finally be getting better.  Perhaps.

Sickle Pickle

Here's how it started...

Friday and Saturday:  The most intense migraine I've ever had would not leave me alone.  Even after taking 1600 mg of ibuprofen, I felt like my head was going to explode.  However, there was no evidence of a cold.  Just a horrible non-stop migraine for two days.

Sunday, Monday and the beginning of Tuesday:  The sore throat from hell came about.  It was horrible.  Luckily, it was only a sore throat though.  And nothing I took (all kinds of varieties of cough/cold syrup and even an oral anesthetic) would soothe the throat.  And then I got the idea on tuesday to take my allergy medications to see if that would help.  Who'd have thought?  Not the cold or sore throat stuff worked, but allegra did work.  I was sore throat free and feeling on top of the world.  Maybe the ickiness would go away now.  No such luck...

Tuesday, Wednesday, and probably the rest of the week or weekend:  My nose started to run a little on tuesday.  And then I started feeling congested.  This morning, I felt like I was going to blow up.  I took some pseudoephedrine to ease my congestion.  However, the congestion only got worse.  I know that pseudoephedrine works very well for relieving my congestion.  So that just left me wondering how bad my congestion really was without the meds...  And my congestion has been increasing all day.  I had to take some Mucinex (another allergy medication of mine) to relieve my airway.  And since the nose is either runny or stuffy (fully possible to do both at the same time - my nose is constantly dripping and I can't breathe through it all), I've been sneezing and coughing up a storm.  So, now my throat's irritated from all of the coughing.  And to top it all off, I have that taste in my mouth that lets me know I don't feel good.  Oh, and food tastes like garbage.

I took some codeine an hour ago.  I'm beginning to feel sleepy.  But if I go to sleep, I don't want to wake up to my ickiness.  The mornings are the worst for me (regardless of me being sick or not) for my airway.  So, with the way I'm feeling, I just want to end it all.  I feel like crap.  And therefore, I want everyone else around me to feel like crap.  I'm such a downer...

Oh, funny side note.  Gizmo doesn't know what to think of my cold.  He freaks out every time I cough.  He now hides behind Jared and won't leave Jared's sight.  It was funny when Jared was at work, and Gizmo was left alone with me.  He's a people dog and therefore always has to be in the presence of people.  He wouldn't lay in my lap.  So, he settled at my feet.  And every time I started coughing, he'd jump and get up.  He'd act like he wanted to run away but there was no one there for him to run to and hide.

I don't think I've been this sick since the week I got married.  Ugh...

Moving

Did I mention I will be moving in a week?  We're moving back into an apartment complex.  That way, we won't have to deal with the crazy landlord here.  The thing that will make moving so difficult is the fact that our apartment is on the third floor.  I've never lived on the third floor in a 3-level apartment complex.  I have always lived on the second floor (and I've lived in probably 10 different 3-level apartments).  Wait, I think I have to take that back.  I did live on the third floor for two months when my mom dragged us to Missouri.  I try not to remember those memories.

Anyways, I'm hoping Gizmo will like the new place.  Hopefully, he won't freak out too bad since his life will basically be a little upside down once we move.  Oh, and he's not allowed on the balcony or on the stairway without a leash.  The space between the bars isn't small enough for Gizmo.  And knowing his luck, he'd have one of his clutzy moments right next to the bars and fall off the balcony.  But that's not going to happen...

I've been packing up stuff today.  I think I did quite a lot of packing even though there's a lot more to do.  I just hope that this new place works out for us.  And I'm really hoping our neighbors aren't too noisy.  Geez, this is going to be a difficult transition.  But it's for the better.  I'll be closer to school and stores.  So, preparing for a different home journey...

Resolutions

It's that time of year again...  Time to make new year resolutions that you'll give up on after a week.

I've decided that there's really only one thing I'd really like to work on.  I have decided that I want to feel good about my physical being as well as my emotional being.  So, I want to set time aside to exercise.  And I also want to set aside time for me (of which I've had a lot since being out of school).

I know life is busy.  But I can't let it carry me away from myself.  And therefore, my resolution is simple.  I just need to take care of myself.