February Blues...

So, I am now 22 years old.  My birthday was on wednesday.  And what did I get?  A friggin nasty cold...  I missed school on friday and pretty much slept for most of the day.

Other than Jared, I think my step-mom was the earliest at telling me happy birthday.  My parents called me later that evening to tell me happy birthday and that my presents are on hold.  My dad told me to let him know what I want.  But I really don't know what I want for my birthday...

So, the dryer I got two weeks ago seems to be the only birthday present I got.  But that's okay.  I know my parents will be there for me when I need them and that's all I need.  Plus, I ordered some more vampire books from amazon.  And they're supposed to arrive on monday.  So, hopefully, I can fit some time in for those.

And now I probably need to go back to work...  Joy.

Oh Joy

So, for whatever reason that has occurred, I have been stressing over my finances for basically no reason at all.  I received my grant money at the beginning of the month.  I had planned on putting that in savings and using a little bit to pay some of my credit card debt.  Well, since nothing really ever goes according to plan, I'm just happy everything worked out in the end.

After filing our taxes, we found out that we were going to come into a nice tax return.  I jokingly said we should look into buying a new tv.  Now, that idea really only lasted a day because the smartest thing for us would be to save our money which is exactly what I was really planning on doing.  And then Jared goes to work on marking clearance items at Kmart.  As he's marking down items in electronics, he comes across a clearanced tv.  It's a 37" Sylvania tv for $175.  Now, this is a deal we just couldn't pass up.  And $168 (after discount and addition of tax) was money I was willing to give up.  Of course it stinks (and is so American thinking) that I'm so willing to give up money I haven't even received yet.

And then we bought a new dryer the next day.  Having clean laundry has never felt so nice...  So, another chunk of money.  But this actually came from my grant money.  So, I didn't have to dip into my savings.

And then I get a check in the mail today.  It's my SWE travel reimbursement that I had completely forgotten about.  And what does the check say?  $168 and some odd cents.  That's when I realized what was paying for our new tv.

So, the good news is, I get to save my tax return like I had originally planned.  And God is taking care of us.  Whether it's a gentle nudge in the right direction or straight-out-push-you-overboard, He's watching.

So on a completely random note that has nothing to do with anything.  I decided I wanted to dust.  Our other tv is probably around 120 pounds.  It didn't phase me that I might actually hurt myself by moving the tv over a couple of inches.  So, I push the tv over and realize I can't pull my hand back towards me.

Slow motion thinking:  Oh great, I think my fingers are stuck under the tv.  Quick, what's the best way to get them out now?  How did I manage to get my fingers stuck under the tv in the first place?  I wonder if they're supposed to be in pain right now.  I wonder if I just start pulling my hand back toward me if my fingers will unwedge themselves.

I manage to pull my fingers out and continue on with my dusting like nothing had happened.  While spraying the rag, I noticed my finger was bleeding.  The other one was swelling up.  I have a nice blood blister under my skin.

Having nil feelings in my fingers can be a blessing but sometimes a curse.  Since the pain is very little to never there, I don't notice the danger I am putting my fingers in.  But on the other hand, I can pull hot food off of pans that just came out of the oven.

Oh Brother

My brother was arrested on friday.  He decided he wanted to drink thursday night which is against his probation agreement.  He's an alcoholic; he can't drink just one drink.  Anyways, he got caught and was ticketed for underage drinking.  The next day, his parole officer revoked his parole.  And then he was arrested.  He's now in Decker Lake, and he's not coming out anytime soon.

And somehow, I feel like blaming myself.  Because I saw him on wednesday night and asked him about it all.  I can conclude that he was still hanging with the wrong friends.  It doesn't make sense to hang out with people who are going to drink when you yourself cannot.  Because you're going to end up drinking.  Anyways, I asked him if he'd ever be able to drink again, and he told me no.  And of course, I blurt out well that sucks.  But I did tell him I was proud of him for trying to stay on the straight and narrow path.  He was going to graduate high school and was looking to enroll at SLCC.

He called me at 3:30 am when he got caught.  I guess my mom told me he was thinking of running again.  I feel so bad that I didn't answer my phone.  I was in a hotel though and half asleep when my phone rang.

I feel bad.  But then I get that small voice that asks, "How do I know he wasn't just telling me what I wanted to hear" like a good manipulator does.  I want to believe my brother is trying.  But I just don't know.

How can you be that stupid and drink?  Why are you still hanging out with people who do drink?  Get your head on straight!!! Quit hurting those who love you.  We're not going to be there for you that much longer if you keep this up.  And it hurts to just give up on you.

On another note, my other brother broke his wrist over the weekend.  I feel bad for him and my parents in Georgia.  It must be hard not being able to fix your kid's pain.  But his arm was put in a cast today. It seems everything's going well considering the situation.

Prayers are appreciated.  I just wish I knew whether my hope for my brother is worth it and not a dying hope.

Cry Baby

I had one of THOSE moments...  A very bawling, girly moment.  One of those moments where it would have made more sense if I were a kid doing what I did.

I teared up and my lower lip jutted out into a pout.  And then I bawled...  "I feel so left out.  And you don't want to hang out with me."  And then the sounds came with the crying...

Five minutes later and I was done.  I don't really understand what came over me.  It doesn't make much sense.  I'm a little humiliated.  But I'm glad my husband didn't slam the door in my face during my breakout moment (he probably knows that'd just make it worse).

Stupid medications driving me crazy.  Hopefully my body will adjust, so my mental state can too.

Road Trips

So, things I learned from my experiences this weekend:

1.  Dramamine does not work well while in a van that tends to swerve a lot.  My stomach just ends up being disconnected from my mouth.  So, while I feel like puking, it doesn't happen.  So, I let my mind wander to what our guts would look like on the road if the swerving continues.

2.  Hypoglycemia is a curse.  It makes me think irrational thoughts and say horrible things.  And since it is a family trait, I do not want kids.  Some one who acts just like me while hungry, I might just have to shoot him/her...

3.  This is probably the very first moment in my life where I have decided I don't want to have girls.  They're too squeaky and idiotic.

4.  New medications make me sick.

5.  I hate road trips.

6.  Californians have a very messed up sense of what cold temperatures are.  While we were stripping down to our shorts and still managing to sweat, we heard some Californians say they hate the weather and that it's too cold (while putting on a sweatshirt).

7.  I think I might have actually figured out how to bowl with my new ball.  Now I just need to laern how to place it...

8.  Utah State basketball rocks my socks off.  We went to the basketball game at San Jose State.  I'm pretty sure Jared and I were the loudest ones there (we would've been the quietest at the Spectrum).

9.  San Jose was fun.  But I'm glad to be home.  I'm glad to be the driver again.  I'm happy to see my dog.  I'm happy to have a home with my husband that isn't shared with anyone else.  And most of all, I'm happy there are no girls that squeal at the top of their lungs...