So, we survived the bowling tournaments in Las Vegas. Truly, we went there to bowl for fun. And in the end, I am glad I am not on one of those extreme teams that get yelled at by their coach for not striking. The way they acted (with the stretching and the whole game deal), you'd think they were running a marathon or something and this was a matter of life and death. Needless to say, Utah State placed last, and I'm pretty sure I was the worst bowler there. But hey, considering we're the underdogs that don't get tons of money and sponsorships like other schools do (did you know Weber State gets $10,000 for tournaments?), we did great! And considering I have only truly been bowling for the last half of the year, I did fantastic. I kept my ball out of the gutter the majority of the time and that is something for me. I would have to say that I did bowl a little above my average at the tournaments, but it just kind of stinks knowing that my average is very low in comparison to everyone else's. But oh well. It was fun.
Here's a picture of a few of us from the team. We were on Freemont street walking the Old Strip. There was a street spray painter that made the most awesome paintings ever (with spray paint!!!!!). He made one of planets and stars that I bought for Jared. There was one that had a background of mountains, waterfalls, trees, and the moon; I wanted it so bad (but it was already sold). Tons of fun.
Jared likes how I smiled in this picture. I don't think I was see what captures his eyes in my smile/face, but hey, whatever works....
So, I've been having a rough couple of weeks. I've just been dealing with a lot of stress. I feel like work is treating me like crap. I feel like someone is being biased against me because I'm white. And not just white: a white American; of course that means I'm going to be a lazy ass like all the other lazy ass white Americans in the world, right? Well, I'm sorry I cannot be one dimensional. I enjoy being involved in more than just one thing, and I don't want to change that. And when I'm being told that I have done basically nothing the whole semester, it makes me not want to go back to work. Being called a lazy researcher who hasn't done a single thing is not the best motivation to make me do better. One - I have done stuff, maybe not enough according to someone else's standards, but I'm doing it the best of my abilities. Two - how dare he call me lazy, he has no idea what else I am involved in and I refuse to give up on things that bring joy to my life just because he expects me to devote every waking breath to his lab (and some days I do need a day off - I'm not a mindless robot).
I think all of it is getting to me. And I don't know how to speak up without repercussions. I don't know who to talk to. But all I can say is if this continues, I believe I will be quitting my master's degree pursuit or be seeking other schools to finish my master's. I'm not someone who has to have positive affirmation every day, but it would be nice to see it every once in a while instead of the negative comments.
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